Go St Monicas!
This site has now become the site where I post work by the pupils of schools I’ve visited, and there is no school I enjoy visiting more than St Monica’s Primary in Cardiff. We made a video a few years ago, Too Much Fun Can Damage Your Face, which you can see on my main website at www.jonblake.co.uk and now I’ve been sent some very original work from Miss Gubby’s class which you can see on the new ‘kid’s work’ page here.
Story competition winner!
As I don’t seem to be able to write any news stories that aren’t complete nonsense, here is something much better by a six-year-old. Recently I visited Blundells School in Tiverton and set off a story-writing competition. This is the winner – well done Lucie Spencer.
Simon’s Surprise Pet by Lucie Spencer
Flesh-eating mutants mar Blake’s visit to Ringland
Jon Blake’s latest school visit, to St Gabriels Primary in Ringland, Newport, was marred by ugly scenes involving the flesh-eating mutants of Year 6. Blake’s talk had been going well until he accidentally suffered a paper cut on his little finger, at which point he noticed the entire class slowly advancing on him, transfixed by the small bubble of blood issuing from the wound. At this point an alarm went off and teachers came rushing from all parts of the building to usher the children back to their desks. Blake’s suspicions were aroused, however, and a lunchtime check with the police revealed that Julia Donaldson, Michael Morpurgo and Shoo Rayner had all failed to return from visits to the school. However, the brave writer decided to shrug off his fears and join the pupils for lunch. He described the shepherd’s pie as “excellent” with a “slightly unusual taste, a bit like albatross”.
Blake loses Tir Na Nog, gives up writing
Blake and partner hear bad news
There is, however, a silver lining to the story with the news that Mutiny On The School Ship Bounty has sold another copy.
According to family and friends, Jon Blake has severely overreacted to Mutiny on the School Ship Bounty being shortlisted for the Tir Na Nog award. Blake has now employed a bodyguard and is in hiding somewhere in the Welsh countryside. He has also made plans for the building of a pyramid in his honour in the event of his demise at the hands of crazed fans or the paparazzi.
The other three shortlisted authors are believed to be quietly getting on with their lives.
Fire service called in author visit fiasco
A visit by author Jon Blake to St Davids Primary in Cwmbran yesterday turned into a fiasco when a stunt went badly wrong. South Wales Fire Service were called to free the slightly famous author after he had been trapped inside a large trunk for almost two hours.
Blake, 56, had been trying to make a point about suspense by first hiding and then bursting out of the trunk. However, due to a faulty lock he was forced to conduct the entire year 5 workshop from inside the metal canister.
Teacher Harriet Pendlebury commented: “It was a tremendous thrill for the children to meet a real-life author but rather a disappointment for them not to actually see him”
Blake was finally freed by firefighters using the Jaws of Life made famous by popular children’s television programme Fireman Sam. He made light of the incident, claiming that he often took workshops from inside boxes, and that the question-and-answer session with the pupils actually went better than usual. “I often find children are distracted by the unusual mole on my cheek, but today this was not a problem” he commented.
The school’s head teacher made no comment on whether the author would be invited back to the school.
Jon Blake considers plastic surgery after being mistaken for Dappy again
Jon Blake
Apart from Jon being thirty years older, a foot taller and nine stones heavier, there is an uncanny similarity between the two, particularly since Jon started wearing funny hats with doggy ears during the recent cold spell.
Ironically, Jon claims never to have heard of Dappy, nor N-Dubz, though he does admit to owning ‘Orinoco Flow’ by N-Ya (check it out on Youtube if you like cutting-edge street sounds).
Monkey’s in business
The sad demise of Angharad Hampersand at the launch of Mutiny on The School Ship Bounty left her family with a problem – what to do with Angharad’s pet monkey, Thimble, who had refused to eat or drink after the failure of his young mistress to come home.
Thankfully children’s author Jon Blake has stepped in and offered to give Thimble a new home.
“It’s the least I could do after Angharad was swallowed by a sea turtle during my book launch on Tuesday” he said.
Thimble has now been installed in the author’s office. “They say that if you sit a monkey at a typewriter long enough it will eventually come out with the complete works of Shakespeare” commented Jon. “That, however, might take several billion years, whereas a short children’s story might be a matter of weeks”.
Jon’s plan has already borne fruit, and “6ys8%;pa>£££” will be published by Popsock Press in April. The story is already hot favourite for the Roald Dahl Funny Prize.
Launch disaster as pupil eaten by sea turtle
Today’s launch of Mutiny on the School Ship Bounty turned to tragedy as Jon Blake’s private yacht capsized and a Year 6 pupil was seized and consumed by a giant sea turtle.
The pupil, from Radnor Primary, Cardiff, has been named as Angharad Hampersand. Her parents described her as a happy-go-lucky child but rather bitter and therefore likely to cause the turtle considerable digestive discomfort.
Jon Blake commented: “Today’s unfortunate event should not distract from the fact that Mutiny on the School Ship Bounty will make an ideal Christmas present, particularly a signed copy which can be purchased from the shop at Chapter Arts Centre, Cardiff.”
Pupils from Radnor Primary are invited to submit their own personal tributes to Angharad.
The School Ship is launched!
Mutiny on the School Ship Bounty will finally be launched on Tuesday 30 November, 1.30pm, at Chapter Arts Centre, Cardiff. I’m expecting a pile of pupils from Radnor Primary (soon hopefully to be my son Jordi’s school). But the event is open to all. Readings, refreshments, questions and answers, hopefully (like the book) a lot of fun.
